Tamar's Plea – כִּי לֹא יִמְנָעֵנִי מִמֶּךָּ/2
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Tamar's Plea
Exegetical Approaches
Truth
Tamar was speaking the truth as there was no legal impediment to her marrying Amnon. This position subdivides regarding the nature of Amnon and Tamar's family ties and why they were permitted to marry:
Not Legally Siblings
Amnon and Tamar were not legally siblings.
Tamar's Relationship to Avshalom – Avshalom and Tamar were full siblings, sharing both a mother (Ma'akhah) and father (David). This is why she is first introduced in relationship to him rather than Amnon (לְאַבְשָׁלוֹם בֶּן דָּוִד אָחוֹת יָפָה וּשְׁמָהּ תָּמָר), and why Amnon similarly tells Yonadav, "תָּמָר אֲחוֹת אַבְשָׁלֹם אָחִי אֲנִי אֹהֵב".
Ma'akhah – According to all these sources, Ma'akhah was a beautiful captive woman (אשת יפת תואר)1 who bore Tamar from relations with David prior to her conversion.2 As such, legally Tamar was not considered a daughter of David but rather that of a Gentile maidservant.3
Tamar's Relationship to Amnon – Though David fathered both Amnon and Tamar, since Tamar was conceived before Ma'akhah converted, she was Amnon's biological, but not halakhic, half-sister and not prohibited to him.4
"תָּמָר אֲחֹתִי" – Tamar is referred to as Amnon's sister throughout the story, because, despite her legal status, she was nonetheless David's daughter.
Yonadav's intentions – Malbim5 claims that Yonadav, knowing that Amnon could legitimately marry Tamar, had never intended that he take her by force. He suggested that Amnon fake illness and talk to his father as a way of alerting David to Amnon's desire for Tamar, assuming that David would then suggest that they marry.6 Moreover, it would provide an opportunity for Amnon to let Tamar herself know of his intentions.
Tamar's goal – Tamar's goal in all her pleas was that Amnon not treat her as a prostitute but rather legitimately wed her. Ralbag points out that Tamar never uses the argument that the act would be transgressing the prohibition of גילוי עריות, only "that this is not done in Israel".
Why didn't Amnon agree? Since Amnon was overcome by physical desire, he had no interest and no self control to wait to approach David.
Amnon's hatred – Malbim suggests that Amnon had never loved Tamar, just lusted after her. Thus as soon as his desire was satiated, he recognized that he had done an abominable act but instead of hating himself or the act itself, he projected that hatred onto Tamar.
No Blood Relationship
Tamar's Relationship to Avshalom – Tamar was born from the same mother as Avshalom (Ma'akhah), but a different father, making them half-siblings.7
Tamar's Relationship to Amnon – Tamar and Amnon were not related at all, sharing neither a father nor a mother. As such, they were totally permitted to each other.
"תָּמָר אֲחֹתִי" – Even though there were no blood ties between Amnon and Tamar, since Tamar grew up in the palace with all the other children of David, she was treated and referred to as a sister.
"וַיִּפָּלֵא בְּעֵינֵי אַמְנוֹן לַעֲשׂוֹת לָהּ מְאוּמָה" – Abarbanel questions that if Tamar was permitted to Amnon why could he not think on his own to ask to wed her? Why was he at a loss as to how to touch her? The Rid suggests that Amnon was never interested in marriage, only in sleeping with Tamar. He could not figure out what to do, since as a virgin, she was very modest and rarely went out alone.
Yonadav's intentions
- Prevent rape – Itai Elitzur8 suggests that Yonadav was actually trying to prevent a potential rape.9 Recognizing that Amnon was not interested in marriage, he suggested that Amnon speak to his father, assuming that David would recognize the situation and intervene (by either having the two wed, or preventing the situation altogether.) Yonadav therefore told Amnon to ask David, "תָּבֹא נָא תָמָר אֲחוֹתִי וְתַבְרֵנִי לֶחֶם", a euphemism for relations. Amnon, not knowing Yonadav's intentions, instead asked that Tamar prepare "לְבִבוֹת". As such, David missed the hint.
- Facilitate an innocent meeting – Alternatively, it is possible that, knowing that Amnon could marry Tamar, Yonadav never thought that Amnon would rape her. He thought Amnon was simply looking for a way to meet Tamar, who, due to her virgin status, was not easily approachable. He therefore found a way to facilitate such a meeting.
Tamar's goal – Tamar tried to convince Amnon that he wed her, rather than sleep with her like a prostitute. Presumably if they had been siblings and she was not permitted to him, she would have actively pointed that out saying not only "אַל תַּעֲשֵׂה אֶת הַנְּבָלָה הַזֹּאת" but adding that the reason that it was incest.
Amnon's refusal – The Rid points out that Amnon never had any intention of marrying Tamar, and only wanted to fill his desire, so her pleas fell on deaf ears.
Avshalom's reply: "הַחֲרִישִׁי אָחִיךְ הוּא" – Avshalom's advice that Tamar be silent since Amnon was "her brother" is somewhat difficult considering that they were not in fact related. It is possible that Avshalom is simply saying that this is a family affair and should not be publicized outside the palace walls.
Ruse
Tamar knew that David would never approve of the marriage, but was grasping at straws hoping that her words would convince Amnon to release her.
Sources:R. Yosef ibn Kaspi #2, Abarbanel
Tamar's Relationship to Avshalom – Avshalom and Tamar were full siblings.
Tamar's relationship with Amnon – Amnon and Tamar were half siblings, related through david, butnot through their mothers.
"תָּמָר אֲחֹתִי"/ "תָּמָר אֲחוֹת אַבְשָׁלֹם" – At times Tamar is referred to as Amnon's sister and at times as Avshalom's sister because she was in fact related to both of them. Abarbanel suggests that in the opening of the story she is specifically connected to Avshalom, since only they were full siblings and it was this relationship which led to Avshalom's later desire for revenge. Similarly, when Amnon approaches Yonadav he specifies "תָּמָר אֲחוֹת אַבְשָׁלֹם" to disambiguate her from Avshalom's daughter of the same name.10
"וַיִּפָּלֵא בְּעֵינֵי אַמְנוֹן לַעֲשׂוֹת לָהּ מְאוּמָה" – Amnon did not know what to do because he recognized that, being his sister, Tamar was off limits.
Yonadav's advice – Abarbanel maintains that Yonadav was "חכם להרע" and did not attempt to keep Amnon from sinning, but rather to facilitate his wrongdoing and find a way for him to fill his desires.
"אַל אָחִי אַל תְּעַנֵּנִי" – Abarbanel suggests that in these words Tamar was hinting to Amnon that he should not do the act specifically because they were brother and sister. The "abomination" that is "not done in Israel" is the fact that these relations would constitute גילוי עריות, one of the prohibited acts of sexual intercourse.
"כִּי לֹא יִמְנָעֵנִי מִמֶּךָּ"
Mistake
Tamar was unaware of the law, and truly believed that David would allow the marriage.
